What If Movie Melt Interviewed…Christopher Nolan?

christopher nolan interview

So, I was browsing the world wide web today, and I got to thinking about running a movie blog, and the kind of directions we can take this thing.  I pictured the kinds of stuff we could do if we really took off, like having insider tips and interviewing big stars.  That one caught my attention.  Who would I want to interview?  I can think of a lot of people, but in my deliberations the person I decided would really be the top of my list would be Christopher Nolan.  The guy has been mesmerizing me with his films for half of my life, and I want some answers.  So I took a moment and put together a nice little daydream (this is getting a little weird) about what an interview with Christopher Nolan might be like……..

Me: Chris, it’s a pleasure to meet you.  How are things?

Nolan: Well, the thing that fascinates me about that is that when I first spawned the idea I didn’t have a pen nearby, and then something remarkable and honestly quite transcendent….. [5 minutes of incomprehensible language] …. how it all came together.  Does that answer you question?

Me: …………..

Nolan: Fascinating.

Me: Me? {blushing}

…Silence…

Me: So, Chris.  Let’s start with the latest movie rumors.  The word is that for your next film, ‘Interstellar,’ you’ve officially offered the lead part to Matthew McConaughey.  Is this true?

Nolan: Are you insane!  Keep it down man.  I promised Christian Bale he could have the part.  If he reads this we’re both bloody dead.

Me: So, you don’t want Christian Bale in the film?

Nolan: I can’t have him bloody growling through a sophisticated science fiction film.  I need some polish.

Me: Well, tell him not to growl.  It’s not a Batman movie.

Nolan: I also promised him I’d adjust the script so that it has Batman in it…. Oh, don’t look at me like that.  When’s the last time you saw that cinematographer he went off on?  What do you think he was doing on set of America Psycho.  He wasn’t acting, he was studying.

Me: Right, well I’ll cut this part out then shall I.

….. At this point, Christopher took a moment to compose himself.

Me: Right then.  So, with ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ being released last year, how did it feel to cap off the trilogy?  Bittersweet?

Nolan: Well, honestly I didn’t enjoy the trilogy much.  I wrote it in a couple weeks.

Me: Excuse me?

Nolan:  No depth to it.  The story made sense.  I was having a coffee at a little cafe and I heard a young boy telling his grandfather what happened in the film.  It made perfect sense to the boy.  And the grandfather.  At that point, I knew the film was no good.

Me: Well, I think you’re being a bit harsh.  I thought the film and trilogy was one of the best ever made.

Nolan: I supposed you probably know what happened at the end of Inception as well? {the most subtle incline of a grin ever registered on scale of facial movement}

Me: I’ve got a theory.

Nolan: Do you?

Me: Yeah, the top was spinning, and he was in the dream of the dream of the dream, and then he went back for that guy and…he needed to…

Nolan: {tilts head, raises eyebrows}

Me: Wait…. he… but the top might have…

Nolan: *Sighs*

Me: I…. but he…. fine.  But I totally get Memento.

Nolan: Of course you do.  Are we done, I’ve had an idea.

Me: Well, I just wanted to ask you, a couple more questions.  What exactly is the theme of ‘Interstellar,’ your latest film that we mentioned earlier?

Nolan: Well, it’s quite complex really.  It delves into various ideas and theories I’ve been very interested in over the years.  In particular, some wonderful theories of a friend of mine, Kip Thorne, a theoretical physicist I have tea with on occasion.  He’s got all sorts of ideas that one.  Gravitational waves, wormholes, time travel.  He’s nicked a couple of my ideas actually, but who’s keeping track.  It’s all for the good of mankind.  Anyway, so yes, ‘Interstellar.’

……. long pause……..

The thing I love about writing this film, is that it is based on real theories.  I believe that this stuff can happen.  I do.  In short, the film is set in space.  There are wormholes.  People can travel through time in those wormholes.  The future can be the past.  The past can be the future.  The future can be the future too.  Or it could be right now.  What happens in a year could happen four years ago.  What happened last week could happen right now.  It’s all relative.  Just remember, time is not a thing.  It is all relative, but not relative at all.  The past is now.  The future is then.

Me: Great……… thanks.  So, let’s look back at your previous films over the past two decades.  What has been your favorite film to make?

Nolan: ‘Interstellar’

Me: No, sorry, what WAS your favorite film to…………………. oh.  Got it.  

Nolan: ……………………..

Me: Ok… fanstastic.  How about a second favorite?

Nolan: Hmm.  Bad Boys 2 most likely.

Me: Excuse me?  Wasn’t that..Michael Bay?

Nolan: Certainly.

Me: But you just said…

Nolan: Certainly.

Me: I don’t get it.

Nolan: Ah of course, you wouldn’t, I haven’t made that film yet.

Me: Of course not.  Let me guess, that one comes out in 1914?

Nolan: 1914?  That was a great year.  The quintessential 1910’s year, without a doubt in my mind.  But no, of course not.  You really aren’t very smart are you.

Me: ……………..

Nolan: Right then, I’ve really got to get off.  I should have written this film four years from now.  If you see Bale, for Christ’s sake don’t tell him I was here.  And whatever you do, don’t step in his bloody eye line.

{EXIT NOLAN}

So, as you can tell, the interview went really well.  I was pleased with it and I think Chris was too.  Bale did show up, but I hid in the closet.  Hopefully somebody get’s word out to McConaughey.

(Please note – the above interview was done as parody and nothing included is meant to suggest that Mr. Nolan and I actually spoke.  Also, note that if the last statement was news to you, then unfortunately you are not an intelligent person.  But that’s ok)

 

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