If you’ve been watching television over this lead up period to Thanksgiving, you’ve probably been exposed to the trailer for, or some other form of advertisement for, ‘Homefront,’ a new movie starring Jason Statham and James Franco. Statham moves to a new place. He doesn’t fit in. Bad guys try to hurt him. He hurts them. As Jason Statham movies go, this one looks like a Jason Statham movie. But if you’d like to know more details on the plot of ‘Homefront’ go to Statham’s IMDB Page and click a movie. Any movie.
Check out the trailer for Homefront here and then let’s discuss it:
So what do you think?
I think something fishy is taking place. I think this Phil Broker character (Statham’s character in Homefront) is a fraud. I think that Phil Broker is just another secret identity in a long line of movie secret identities. I mean, let’s take a look at some evidence:
The Character Names:
Handsome Rob, Chev Chelios, Frank Martin, Jensen Ames, Lee Christmas, Arthur Bishop, Parker. I can’t make this up. I mean these are like a combination of straight out of a porn movie and a cheesy spy novel. No parent would name someone these things, so they must be fake personas.
The Plot Formulas:
Jason Statham movies follow a pretty simple plot formula. It goes like this:
Jason has a shady job. He gets betrayed or something bad happens. He kicks an awful lot of ass in a lot of ridiculous ways. He saves every person he meets that is in trouble along the way. He gets in trouble again. He wins and gets revenge. Yay!
- Frank Martin – The Transporter 1, 2 & 3: His first job, extended out over three creative and action packed movies full of insane stunts and ridiculously choreographed violence.
- Handsome Rob – The Italian Job: After his job went horribly wrong in the first Transporter movie, he took a little break and inserted himself into a group of bank robbers to help keep the bills paid.
- Chev Chelios – Crank: Here our hero pretended to be an assassin in order to gain some credibility in the local area, and the plan backfired as he was poisoned and forced to take ridiculous action to keep his heart rate high enough. Insert crazy, ridiculous action scenarios.
- Terry Leather – The Bank Job: Ran out of cash. Robbed another bank. Kickin’ ass isn’t cheap.
- Jensen Ames – Death Race: Well, eventually through all these shenanigans he was bound to end up in jail. He did. He got out by killing people with a car. He’s got all the answers.
- Lee Christmas – The Expendables: Well he joined up with a group of buddies he met along the way here. Kind of nice to see he actually made some friends on his travels. Sylvester Stallone brought them together for a reunion. Nice.
- Arthur Bishop – The Mechanic: Got himself in with the wrong crowd again. A bunch of assassins. But as usual he has a soft spot for people he’s supposed to be killing.
- Brant – Blitz: Well, he finally revealed himself as a cop here. Been undercover the whole time. Tough job. Hope he’s been getting paid enough. Plus, there’s a serial killer knocking off cops. Take care of it bud.
- Luke Wright – Safe: Crap, a little girl is in trouble. Good job he was undercover as a former cage fighter. He did such a good job with his cover that we don’t even know he’s undercover.
- Parker – Parker: Well, he’s stealing again. This time he’s found a hot woman to help him do the exact same things he’s been doing for years. Bonus.
- Joey – Redemption: He comes back from a stint in the special forces this time, and he’s a little more open about his hidden identity game here. He’s kicking people’s ass again. Must be getting bored of it by now.
I think the evidence is clear. Until he makes a romantic comedy, I’ll just keep looking out for the next sequel.