“Every Republican Thinks They Are Batman”, by Angry Critic
Disclaimer: This article is written by a maniacal Republican, is full of language unsuitable for children and is 100% free of any form of objectivity whatsoever. Enjoy.
I fucking love Batman.
I got this idea after watching The Dark Knight Rises, mainly the conversion of the Catwoman character. Coming from an Occupy Gotham background, I thought it was awesome how all it took was for Catwoman’s prediction/wish to come true for her to change her mind. Liberals lol. The media tried to say that the destruction Bane caused was all Bush’s fault.
Anyway first I thought, “Man, Batman is such a conservative”. Then I thought, “If Batman had a gun to the jokers head, and the joker was going to slit a 10 year olds throat if Batman would not pull the trigger, he would not pull the trigger because…. morals and stuff”. This is not the republican way, I know people who pull out their 12 gauge if they think it kinda smells like a minority. (It is usually just manure)
Then I got to thinking, this is not a “what is” Batman is discussion, Batman is a superhero. That’s it. It transcends political borders, but then I thought of how closely the republicans align with batman, and that’s when the similarities became pretty similar. Batman does not give a fuck about the gubment. Does not give one flying fuck. The entire premise of Batman Begins is the fact that the gubment is broken, that villains laugh at society’s rules. Batman’s all like fuck that noise, im learnin krav maga and taking down some of your crooked asses.
Also lets not even get into the kids upbringing. A super rich white kid? = Every republican I know. Yes, he lost his father at a young age, which is stereotypically an African American practice, but he seemed to keep out of street gangs.
Now, lets look at his psychology, Batman has a moral compass that he is pretty stringent about. He has a clearly defined, ‘Hey, that aint right’ reaction to stuff. Now just to cover my ass I only regard MOST liberals to be unwashed, immoral, hippies, living off of my hard earned money, all the while bitching for people that do not want to be bitched for… I know two or three that are clean cut, but politically retarded. Basically I see Democrats not liking to label stuff as evil (except when they label Republicans), and Republicans don’t have that problem. They have a right and a wrong. Liberals have a ‘Hey they are different, maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you would not condemn such a unique culture.”
Crying won’t help, libtards. I know you enjoyed this movie, but let me ruin it for you. It is a fact. Both Bruce Wayne and his alter ego Batman are conservative.
“How the fuck?”
Well let me explain. First clue batman voted for Romney (Even though he wanted Ron Paul) is that he is wealthy, like way way independently rich. I’m not saying there are not rich liberals, just that rich people usually want to keep their money and not give it to welfare queens, or minorities. So they align with the ‘less tax’ talking point that is a staple of the Republican Party.
“Oh you don’t want higher taxes? You greedy, racist, bigot.”
Did you spin the ‘Liberal insult wheel’ 3 times to come up with that one? Wish I would have gotten fascist.
Second He is white, and white people vote for Republicans.
Thirdly, he does not mind operating outside of the gubment’s established protocol. He kinda does whatever he thinks is right. He is his own judge and jury, in fact this is hammered home in all three of the new Batman movies. In Batman Begins he becomes what he thinks justice should be. He does this to become independent of all of the judicial loopholes, that criminals have a tendency to abuse. In The Dark Knight, the mob’s accountant tries to run away from Gotham, Batman says ‘fuck that’ and goes and extradites him, probably breaking multiple agreements between countries. In The Dark Knight Rises, he just does whatever he wants after getting back from the cave prison… but Gotham was anarchy at that point anyway.
Let’s stay on The Dark Knight Rises. I loved the Catwoman character in this movie. Particularly I loved the part where she realized that her Marxist bullshit was just that, bullshit. We get the profile of this angry cat burglar (get it?) who blames rich people for having what she wants. In one compelling scene, she is dancing with Bruce Wayne , and she warns him
“You think all of this can last? There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it does you and your friends are going to wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.”
Boo-fucking-hoo, right? Classic liberal mindset, we are going to rise up and take your money, whether you earned it or inherited it. I bet Chris Matthews had shivers down his leg during this scene. I have one twitter friend who is a Libtard, he quoted this, obviously he does not get the irony. Yes she says this, and at the time it is chilling. It even comes true, but when it comes true, she sees the destruction that the Occupy Gotham movement causes, and she does not approve. She becomes against the very revolution that she was advocating.
Bane is a revolutionary, much like a Che, except he murdered less people. Now imagine a person wearing a Che T-Shirt. Did you picture someone who had not showered for a month? Someone who voted for Obama? Someone who Majored in Art History and cant find a job? Of course you did. Aka the scum of the earth. Im sure those people all think they are Superman (more on that later).
In all, both conservatives and Batman have morals. Both tend to be condemned for doing what they think is right, both tend to be rich as fuck, and both hate the gubment. Fuck Che.